Log in

25 December 2007 @ 01:14 pm
Merry Little Christmas Joy [Part 1]  

Merry Little Christmas Joy

Author: toyatezuka

Beta: deej1957

Characters: Dean/Sam, John, Bobby

Warning: Mpreg, Slash

Summary: Life is not what everyone expects it to be but a little miracle can change everything and turn life’s to full of brightness. Since it Christmas, a little miracle might just be possible.

Message: Make this specially for acidquill. I really pray that you love it (crossed my finger). LOL. I tried my best to put in a lot of angst just like you request and of course a happy ending. Have a happy holiday!


P.S. This is for you too, Deanlives, for bringing us the joy of this ‘Mpreg Secret Santa’, this Christmas and the person that introduce mpreg world to me. Love you for that.




Dean’s love has always been the best Christmas present I’ve ever received in my whole life. Dean is always there whenever I need him. Yes, he can be ‘loving’ but don’t think that he  never gets angry because when  he does, (laughing) you for sure don’t want to be anywhere near him. To make it simpler for those who are reading this, Dean is my heart and soul.


I still remember the last Christmas we had together. It was a turmoil that we’ll never forget for the rest of our life. Yes, it was painful, difficult journey for both of us, but it was all worth it; that was when Joy Mary Winchester came into our life. This is the story of my life before Joy made her present to the world, and this is how it all began…


4 weeks before Christmas


Dean climbed down the stairs slowly, putting almost all his body weight against the railing to support him. A few drops of sweat were dripping down his face. By the time he was halfway down the stairs, he was already sweaty and breathing irregularly. He slowly slid down with his back pressing against the railing and rubbed his swollen belly in circular motion to lessen the pain that was starting to get more intense.


“Dean!” Sam shouted, shocked to see Dean looking so pale and in pain. Sam quickened his steps and was by Dean’s side in a flash. Without any questions asked, he helped Dean up and put him on the sofa, slowly laying him down.


Sam snatched the nearest tissue box and took out a few tissues, wiping away Dean’s sweats. After a few minutes passed, Dean’s breathing slowly became regular and his scrunched face gradually began to relax.  He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Sam.


“Thought I’d be able to make it down the stairs by myself, but it seems I’m too weak to do even do that simple thing. How pathetic can I be?” He scoffed at himself.


“Dean, don’t,” Sam said in a no nonsense tone. “Don’t mock yourself that way. You’re weak because you’re pregnant. But all of this will go away soon. So please, for the baby’s and my sake, just try to fight it,” he begged. Dean looked away from his brother’s face when a single tear dropped from Sam’s eye.


“It going to take years for me to be back to normal, Sam, and you  know that. That’s if I survive after I  give birth. The chance of me being alive after that is only 40%, Sam, and there’s nothing you can do about that. I’m going to dead soon so you better just accept the truth so that it will be less painful.” Dean painfully poured out all the things he been keeping in his mind for so long. 


That’s when Sam really broke down.  He sobbed quietly, trying to swallow the tears while listening to Dean pouring it all out. But when Dean asked him to  give him up, just like that, that was when he was finally unable to stop the tears from coming out.

He pressed his face hard against the couch, trying to cover the heart wrenching sound that was coming out of his mouth.  He’d been trying to pretend that everything was going to be just fine, that the doctor had made a mistake, and Dean was going to live.


But all the hoping for miracle to happen was crushed immediately after Dean finally admitted that he was not going to be alive for long. The truth was finally sinking in and it was unbearable for Sam to consider.


 “Please Dean. Just don’t leave me yet. I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me so soon. I’m begging you, Dean. Don’t go.” Sam looked up at Dean with pleading eyes that were red from crying for so long.


Dean wiped away the tears from Sam’s face. It broke Dean’s heart to see Sam like this and it was unacceptable that he’d actual caused it. He cursed to himself. Why couldn’t he just shut his mouth instead? Damn, now he’d really done it. It was so painful for him to hear the heart breaking cries from Sam. He’d rather kill himself than to cause Sam pain.


“I’m really sorry for even thinking of giving up, Sammy. I will never leave you. Ever.” Dean grabbed hold of Sam’s face so they were eye to eye. “Since I can’t possibly trust you to change the baby diapers when the time comes, can I?” Dean teased his little brother in an attempt to lighten up the conversation.


Sam broke into a small smile after hearing that. “No, you can’t.”  He answered with an enthusiasm that made Dean burst out laughing. Dean gave Sam a quick kiss at the resulting pout. “Don’t pout Sammy. You just make yourself look cuter than scary,” Dean confessed with a small chuckle.


“That not fair. You’re supposed to console me instead of laughing at me,” Sam whined like a little kid.


 “Oh, my poor little baby,” Dean said. Dean held his arms out inviting a hug. Sam, without hesitation, cuddled up to Dean.


After a few minutes of cuddling, Sam finally broke the silence. “Do you still remember the day when I tripped over my shoes?” he asked while rubbing Dean’s belly.


“How could I forget something so important?” Dean answered. “I’ll remember till the day I die. Do you know how funny that moment was? I could just…”


Before Dean could finish, Sam cut him off. “Let’s just go up and sleep together. I’m tired and I’m not going to sit here just to give you the pleasure of teasing me again,” Sam said, leaving no room for argument.


That just made Dean burst out laughing again. “Are you sure you’re not the one pregnant here?’ Dean asked.


“Dean!” Sam whined, breaking out from the cuddling position to look at Dean. 


“Okay, fine. Let just turn in for the night.” Dean finally stopped his playfulness, and held out his hand for Sam to pull him up from the couch. Sam led Dean to the bed and tucked him in, earning him another one of his big brother’s smart remarks.   “Gee, Sam, I’m not a little kid for you to tuck me in.”


Sam just shook his head. Sam would never change that, because that’s what makes Dean, Dean. And he would treasure every moment of it. While Sam lay down beside Dean, he couldn’t help but recall the memory of the shoes story.  


The past.


“Damn it, Sam. How many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes away? Someone might just trip over those stupid things you called shoes. Do I have to remind you every time you get home from work?” Dean asked.


“Who could possibly trip over them? I mean, come on, Dean. Can’t I at least get a hug from you?” Sam asked, while slowly making his way up to Dean who was standing at the kitchen doorway trying to look angry but ending up with a pout that just make him look more delicious in everyway. But before Sam able to reach Dean, he tripped over his shoes and fell face down with a big ‘oomph’. 


“SAM!” Dean shouted and rushed to Sam’s side to help him out. “You okay, Sammy? Come on, let me help you get up,” he added, wrapping his hands around Sam’s waist. Together they made their way over to the couch.


With Dean’s help, Sam sat down and, without warning, burst out laughing so hard that a couple of tears rolled down Sam’s reddened cheeks. Dean couldn’t help but laugh, too. t. “Sam, please stop laughing and tell me what’s wrong? Is your head okay or did you hurt yourself during the fall?”  He asked once Sam had cut down a little on his laughing.


“Don’t you find it funny? I mean I’m the one who said ‘who could possibly trip over the shoes’. And right after that I’m the one that falls. Oh Dean! I just love you, do you know that? I couldn’t I live without you,” Sam added while holding Dean’s face between his two hands.


“I love you too, Sammy. And don’t say I didn’t warn you about the shoes because I did.” Dean kept his face serious which   made Sam burst out laughing again. After that accident, Sam made a habit of keeping his shoes in the corner, though Dean can’t help but tease Sammy once in a while about it since he found it entertaining to see Sam blush over it.


End of the past.


Sam finally slipped into a peaceful sleep with a silly smile on his face. Not long before that, Dean dreamed about the day he finally broke the news to Sam that he could get pregnant. Here it goes…


Christmas night…


Dean and Sam are sitting in front of the fireplace watching the flame dancing around inside. Sam tightens his hug while Dean snuggles deeper toward his body. They are just lazing around enjoying the moment of silence with Dean stealing a couple of quick kisses from Sam once in a while; something Sam doesn’t mind at all.


“Sam, I have a little confession to make, since you know, it’s Christmas and that’s what people do, right?” Dean looks up at Sam with a serious look.


“What you want to confess?” Sam sits up a little straighter after seeing Dean is serious about this. “Are you going to break up with me?” Sam looks down at his brother with a scared expression while looking into Dean’s eyes for answers.


“NO! How could you even think that? You know that I love you so much, right? And I for sure will not let the other guys or girls out there have any chance with you.” Dean declares with the smug look on his face.


Sam immediately chuckles at that. “You’re right, Dean. I’m only and always will be your rightful property,” he says with a wide smile.


“Damn right you are!” Dean readily agrees, as if it were the most obvious answer to that question.


 “Okay enough of this teasing around. Now tell me, what you been hiding inside your mind this time?” Sam asks, holding both of Dean hands in his two palms and waiting patiently for Dean to start talking.


“Ever since I was small dad’s been hard on me. I’ve always been the one that has to do all the extra training every single day of my life as a kid. But I never argued, not even once, because I knew one day I would be strong enough to protect you from anything. At first I thought that maybe that’s why dad trained me so hard, but that wasn’t the reason. The truth is…” Dean stops talking and tries to take his hands away from Sam’s hold, but that only make Sam tighten his grip.


“Dean, please tell me. I really want to share the burden with you. Take your time. I can wait.” Sam begs Dean to continue instead of giving up.  Sam knows if he lets go, Dean would forever keep this locked inside and shut Sam out completely. So all Sam needs to do is just hold on because that’s what Dean needs the most now.


“I was born with the female inner parts inside me. Yes, I may look like a guy from the outside but I don’t have what guys are supposed to have inside. I’m not normal I’m just a freak and I’m not like you. So if you’re disgusted with me, I completely understand,” Dean admitted.


Sam was in such shock that all he can do is stare at Dean, who’s looking hurt by the silence. . Dean tires to pretend that it doesn’t bother him, and while he may be good at concealing his emotions, Sam can tell Dean needs his support.  Dean hands are cold and shaking uncontrollably and Sam grips them tighter.


 A single tear escapes from Sam’s left eye.  He tries to cover it up before Dean sees it but his brother is already gently wiping the tear away. Dean looks at Sam, his eyes concerned.


“Dean. No matter how different you are, I will always love you.  You’re not a freak, in fact you’re more perfect than I can ever imagine. So, please Dean, for my sake, don’t express yourself with those words, ever, because you’re better than you think you are.” Sam voices out with all the determination he has.     


“No wonder I love you so much, Sammy. You should look at yourself, talking like you were in court fighting a case,” Dean smirks.


“Dean!” Sam says sternly.


 “Okay.” Dean surrenders and raises both hands. Then his expression changes to a serious one. “You don’t know how much I worried, Sammy. I’m so scared that you just going to leave me after knowing the truth. Thank you so much for loving me.” Dean smiles gratefully at Sam.


Sam gives Dean a tight hug. . It should be him who is grateful for having Dean in his life. He should have noticed it long time ago, this burden that Dean was keeping from him.


Sam keeps blaming himself in his head, and somehow Dean, being the big brother and lover, senses it and quickly adds, “It’s not your fault, Sammy. Never was and never will be. Everything is fine now and that’s all that matters.”


Sam nods. “You’re right.  We’re going to be just fine.”


“Oh, before I forget. Your wish of having a child of our own may come true since I have all the necessary parts to carry a child,” Dean blurts out.


“What?” Sam sits up abruptly.


“I can get pregnant, Sammy.” Dean’s smile slowly grows wider when he sees Sam’s stunned face.


“We can have our own flesh and blood?” Sam whispers, still in shock.


“We sure can.” Dean says proudly.


“Then what we waiting? Let’s start making it now.” Sam quickly grabs Dean and starts walking towards their room. With the lustful look Sam gives him, there’s no way in hell Dean’s going to object to that.


End of dream


Dean was woken up by the non-stop kicks he received from the baby.  He looked at the clock beside while rubbing his belly to calm the baby; it read 5:30 am.  He tossed and turned, trying to find the right position so that he could go back to sleep. .


Dean slowly get out of bed and went downstairs after he unable to go back to sleep. He managed to get to the kitchen chair before he collapsed. He stared at his belly, stroking it gently; he just couldn’t believe that in a few days the baby was going to come. Then everything would be perfect, just Sam, him and the baby.


By the time Sam reached the kitchen, he could already smell fresh coffee and pancakes. He slowly calmed his nerves before wrapping his arms around Dean to give him a kiss. He bent further down to kiss Dean’s belly and placed his ear against it, feeling a strong good kick from the inside.


“He’s going to be a good soccer player once he grows up,” Sam said with pride in his voice.


“How can you know the baby’s a he and not a she? It may be a girl, you know,” Dean answered back.


“Well, it’s better to call the baby ‘he’ right, then to call it, ‘it’,” Sam replied, while helping Dean pour his juice into the class.


“I get the feeling the baby is going to be a girl. So you better start calling the baby ‘she’,” Dean said.


Sam, setting the table, replied back, “I think the baby is a ‘he’. So I guess you’re the one who has to call the baby ‘he’.”


“No, Sammy. The baby is a ‘she’,” Dean shouted.


Sam, surprised by Dean’s outburst just stared back at him for a minute. “I don’t care. I’m going to call the baby a ‘he’.”


“Want to bet on this Sammy?” Dean challenged.


Sam, without warning, shouts back. “This is silly.   I can   call the baby whatever I want. So back off. If you want to bet, then bring it on.”


Dean turned away to hide his tears. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him this morning but it feels like something bad is going to happen soon, and Sam is not helping at all. “We see who wins.” Dean replied back after he got his voice under control.


Sam was mad when he found out Dean was out of bed again when he woke up that morning. He’d already told Dean several times to leave the breakfast to him but Dean just didn’t listen. Sam couldn’t bring himself to scold his brother because he knew that Dean was just trying to help. But somehow, today was different.


Sam, who was not in the mood to be patient, threw Dean juice glass against the wall, shocking Dean who wasn’t expecting that. “Fuck off, Dean. I’m seriously not in the mood for your hormone fight.”

 He left the kitchen and went to his bedroom, leaving the unhappy Dean in tears, preparing breakfast.


He went to the kitchen sink to wash away his tears, blaming himself for starting the fight.  He’d already made the decision to apologize to Sam before Sam left for work.


 Suddenly he heard the front door close with a loud ‘bang’, followed by Sam’s car tearing out of the driveway. Even before Dean’s able to make it to the door, Sam’s gone. 


 He quickly picked up the phone to call Sam but all he could do was leave voice mail, the phone was switched off. “I’m really sorry for causing the stupid argument. It’s so stupid of me and I hope you can find a place in your heart to forgave me for my mistake. Please, just call me back soon after you heard this message, okay?”


After a few minutes of pacing the room he called Sam back and left a second voice mail. “I know you’re mad. Please just call me back. I really am sorry about this. Just please don’t leave me, okay? I promise I won’t fight with you anymore, so just please, come back home now.” He was crying as he left the message;   the thought of Sam leaving was unbearable.


Dean left tons of messages saying over and over again that he was sorry. He gave up after one hour and went to the kitchen to clean the breakfast away. In the middle of washing dished the door bell rang.


 He quickly went to get the door thinking it was Sam. But his guess was wrong, because standing at his door right now was John Winchester.

“Dad! What are you doing here?” Dean was stunned by his father’s sudden appearance. John looked his son up and down and paused to stare at the swollen stomach.


“Well, I guess the news is correct then. You managed to knock yourself up with your brother’s child. Sam doesn’t deserve you, or this Dean. He’s staying here with you because he’s the kind of guy that takes his duty seriously. I don’t know how you can sleep at night after the way you’ve messed up Sam’s life. I thought I taught you better, but I guess I was wrong. You’re nothing but a slut.   Sam would be happier without you in his life,” John added with venom.


 He left Dean standing there looking injured and wounded with the words his father said. The tears Dean had been trying to stop flowed down his face. He looked more distraught than he ever had in his life. He slowly closed the door behind him and went upstairs.


He climbed into bed and cuddled himself into a small ball as best he could with his belly in the way. He pulled up the blanket and covered himself while staring at the phone in his hand.


Dean looked calm, but on the inside, a volcano was going to irrupt soon. Was it because of the baby, was that what was making Sam stay with me instead of going to Stanford? I should have stopped this feeling of lust towards Sam long time ago. But I just had to keep it until it finally won and took over.     


Yes, it’s my fault Sam was who he was today. He had to give up all his dreams because of me. All I have to do is just leave Sam so that he can continue his life the way he wants to.


What was the point of trying to keep this relationship together if from the start it wasn’t supposed to happen? Even Sam hated him now. But before he left he wanted to sort it all out with Sam first. That’s the right way to do it, so that in the future there will not be any ‘if’. All he needed to do now was to cool his mind down.


Dean grabbed his car keys, put on his coat and boots and left. He didn’t have any specific place to go, so he just drove blindly wherever the road led him. It started to rain while Dean was inside the car, and it was coming down harder with every mile he drove.


He was driving the car beyond a safe speed. He had no clue about this since his mind was occupied with the other stuff. Suddenly, without warning, he lost control of the car, crashing into a large tree by the side of the road. He was losing out to the darkness and all he could think of was everything he’d be unable to tell Sam now. For a moment, he hoped he’d have a few minutes to just look at Sam’s face for the last time. With that thought in mind, the darkness finally took over him.